The "I can't believe they're still around" thread

[anarky]

Just post ideas whose time has passed, or things that should have faded into nothingness, but still appear to be going strong. Since it's too easy, we can skip Mr Liefeld.

1) Cyberforce (or anything from Top Cow)

An Image book that was so stupid and unreadable, even I didn't bother after getting the Image #0 coupon. As much as Liefeld sucks, Youngblood was actually more entertaining. Like vyn (I think) mentioned somewhere, "Let's have them be mutants, but they're cyborgs, too! How original!" One was Wolverine, one was Psylocke (fuck, she was even a formerly brainwashed ninja with the ability to produce psychic blades, and her name was Cyblade!), etc, and Silvestri didn't try to hide it (beyond giving them all Lobo's tattoos). It looks like Top Cow is running a contest to see which of these losers gets his or her own book next year. Why are these still around? How has Marvel turned a blind eye for this long? Why has no one said, "Marc, you can draw some awesome pictures, but never, ever try writing them again"? (At least Wildstorm got some top-notch writers to write their ripoff characters after a couple of years. Silvestri isn't that bright.)

2) She-Hulk

Why? At one point, some doofus thought it'd be cool to give Hulk a female counterpart. Only they couldn't fuck, because they were related. They've kept her around by trying to keep her funny, but it doesn't matter. She is still one of the dumbest concepts ever. Kill her, and come up with a new humor title.

More to come....

[vynsane]

Just post ideas whose time has passed, or things that should have faded into nothingness, but still appear to be going strong. Since it's too easy, we can skip Mr Liefeld.

1) Cyberforce (or anything from Top Cow)

An Image book that was so stupid and unreadable, even I didn't bother after getting the Image #0 coupon. As much as Liefeld sucks, Youngblood was actually more entertaining. Like vyn (I think) mentioned somewhere, "Let's have them be mutants, but they're cyborgs, too! How original!" One was Wolverine, one was Psylocke (fuck, she was even a formerly brainwashed ninja with the ability to produce psychic blades, and her name was Cyblade!), etc, and Silvestri didn't try to hide it (beyond giving them all Lobo's tattoos).

HAH! yeah, that was pure regurgitated shit. you didn't even mention "stryker" who could've been a pure ripoff of cable (as if youngblood didn't have enough of those...) but he had THREE cybernetic arms. oooh! different! the "legendary heroes" figure of him looks as bad as the idea behind it.

It looks like Top Cow is running a contest to see which of these losers gets his or her own book next year. Why are these still around? How has Marvel turned a blind eye for this long? Why has no one said, "Marc, you can draw some awesome pictures, but never, ever try writing them again"? (At least Wildstorm got some top-notch writers to write their ripoff characters after a couple of years. Silvestri isn't that bright.)

it looks like that's what they're trying to do. i always thought there was a cool angle to play up on these characters, though. okay, so they're mutants. and they need cybernetics to lead a normal life or maybe even live. go with that. maybe their mutations were so horrific at birth that they made thalidomide babies look like america's next top models. like stryker would've been born with three arms if they had grown naturally, but instead he had three shriveled up stubs of arms, so in order to reach his full potential, he straps on this cybernetic enhancement. maybe because of her "awesome psychic abilities" cyblade was born without legs. all the development went to her brain. well, that and her boobs. that kind of thing.

[Diabolical]

With the exception of Spawn I didn't really pay much attention to Image, but weren't all of Image's super teams X-men ripoffs?

[vynsane]

yeah, basically.

why has WildC.A.T.s been given multiple re-launches? such crap. i remember thinking to myself "if these are such COVERT operatives (that's what the "c" stands for in "C.A.T.") why is the big purple guy being picked up in the middle of downtown manhattan by a big spaceship?"

[anarky]

Yeah, they were. Total X-Men ripoffs.

Spawn could go here, easy. The original premise was great. But then McFarlane realized that, if the dude came closer to dying permanently each time he used his powers, the book wouldn't last very long. And so that went out the window.

[Zero]

Alpha Flight. Not to belittle Canada, but why do they need a Canada-specific Super Team? Avengers. X-Men. Fantastic Four. These guys go anywhere in the world. Or galaxy. Or universe. AF needs to stay in the provinces? Gay. Not to mention 88% of their storylines revolve around the malicious Dept. H they all continue to work for, despite it consistently being responsible for pretty much everything shady in Canada. If we're to believe the monthly AF books, the Canadian govt is worse than COBRA, HYDRA, and al-queda all rolled into one.

[Zero]

Night Thrasher. Because Tom DeFalco thought a super-hero with a skateboard and a 'tude would draw in all them "gen-x or whatever MTV is calling them" readers...DeFalco, being a fat white WASP in his 50's (and probably the world's greatest hall monitor back in 1950) equated "black" and "sk8ter" with hip and edgy rebellious.

[Zero]

Dr. Strange. Created in the late 60's/early 70's as a nudge nudge wink wink nod to the LSD and pot trippin' beatnik generation. Jesus, his fucking batcave is in Greenwich Village! Could you be anymore obvious in your subtlety? Eventually relegated to occasional Spidey guest appearances until some douche ressurected him in the mid 80's in repeated failure after failure monthly books because they had neutered the original headtrip essence of the book in favor of straight comic book "magic". Which is essentially boring duex-ex-machina horseshit. "Oh. There's a SPELL that will eliminate that threat. Yeah. In a mystical book/scroll/dimension/rune the writer just pulled out of his ass." Fuck magic. It's horseshit.

[Zero]

Nick Fury. The cigar chompin' cold warrior, nod to James Bond machismo and 1960's post neo modern gadgetry has become just a big fucking parody of himself and no one can seem to let go.

[Zero]

Gambit. Admittedly one of Claremont's last great creations. The smooth talking cajun was just the kick in the pants the stuffy pity party that the monthly X-Men book had become needed. But every writer since has turned him into a horrible comglomerative stereotype that is half Justin Wilson and half Maurice Chevalier. And the sparky "will they or won't they?" dance he began with the impetuous Rogue was hammered to death when the "will they" part turned into "they did", effectively neutering Remy and turning them into the most annoying fictional couple since David and Maddie.


The only way for Gambit to get his mojo back is to decide he wants Emma Frost to beg for his cock in her ass and then to follow through on that goal. Remy chasing that tail would make the entire X-Universe interesting again...

[Diabolical]

Alpha Flight. Not to belittle Canada, but why do they need a Canada-specific Super Team?

Canada needs no superheroes. They have Tie Domi.

[mabudon]

Yep, and we HAD Gretzky too, til we traded him for Police Academy and a few shitty NHL expansion teams...

I must say, even tho the book (Alpha Flight) was ostensibly "aimed" at Canadians (why the FUCK else would they even bother) it didn't rate too high with anyone I know, probably cos it wasn't representative of Canada at all excepting for the place names and the Native characters. Don't EVER feel bad for dissing Alpha Flight- I mean, nothing against having "outed" gay characters, but when that's the MAIN FUCKING SELLING POINT of a fucking SUPERHERO COMIC BOOK, you got fucking problems

[anarky]

I just saw that they're bringing Cardiac back. And there was a comment on a forum that someone hated his new costume. But it looked the same as it did twenty years ago to me.

[jjreason]

Alpha Flight would have been great as a 12 issue limited series culminating in the death of the original Vindicator/Guardian. Their appearances in X-Men and the first 12 or so issues of the main series were Byrne beauties, but it degraded pretty stupendously after that. As a Canadian, I will support the demise of Alpha Flight.

Strange & Fury can't go. Their core Stan Lee 60's Marvel and thus must be there, just like the surfer. They make for great guest appearances at the very least.