the vynsane asylum

While I enjoyed most of the comics I got in the 1990s, there are some godawful standouts that scream "we're trying to sell multiple copies to stupid fanboys!"

Reason #1: No explanation necessary

That ain't shit compared to this:

At least Az-Bats was intended to be a commentary on the tendency toward "extreme" battle-armored psycho heroes and how they can't simply take anyone's place. Daredevil's ridiculous armor was precisely the thing Az-Bats was satirizing (albeit very, very subtly).

We can both agree on this sucking (for four reasons), I'm sure. (The four reasons I see immediately: Sue's snigtarded whore suit, Thing's scarred face, the idea of the FF carrying massive guns and wearing leather, and the holo-foil cover.)

But but but...Sue was totally hot dude!

and swimwear is tactical. what if she had to swim across a fjord or something to save someone? HUH?

And the 4 on her uniform was so damn uncomfortable.

I win.

awwwwww...

i like ben. not the one here, the one in the comics.

There's also the Super Mullet.



And naturally...

Sue was hot. But, c'mon, how fucking practical is that outfit? It's got less coverage than Psylocke's! And the setup of it....

"Sue, get a move on!"
"But, Reed, dear, this outfit takes a while to put on."
"Dr Doom just destroyed the Empire State Building! We've got to stop him!"
"I'm trying to get these weird garter things positioned right. They're not attached to anything, and they tend to ride up and look silly."
"Sue, he's coming this way."
"Be right there, sweetie. Oh, darn, my head just went through the stupid four that is supposed to show off my bosoms. Give me another minute."
"I'm not sure we have a minute!"
"Okay, got it. Just let me pull up these giant stocking boot things. Okay, now I've got a camel toe that ain't going to pass muster with the Comics Code Authority. It'll be jus--
BLAM!!!!

Dude, fucking Human Torch is wearing a leather jacket! What the fuck?

And never forget the source of Thing's scars--the single dumbest moment in comic book history, Fantastic Four vs New Fantastic Four, where Wolvie goes berzerker, chops off half Thing's face, then immediately tries to hug him and apologizes like an abusive husband in a shitty Lifetime movie of the week starring Meredith Baxter Birney.

And I can't top Liefeld, but here's an attempt:

No mention of Spider-Armor? I guess at Vyn's place we're all a little shy about bashing PP.

Multiple polybagged variant die-cut embossed chromium holographic covers #0 or #1/2.

I will hereby admit before all of you, realizing that I'm sure to be ridiculed, that I really enjoyed the Onslaught story arc.



The shame, the shame.

You at least admit it totally undermined the entire foreshadowing of Gambit being a bad guy, right?

Of course, now Bishop is a bad guy. Silly Marvel!

I think the Daredevil Armor is cool. I'm just not sure it was right for DD to be the one wearing it.



Onslaught sucked balls, but at least it confirmed and got out in the open that Professor X is THE raging douche of the Marvel Universe. This is a guy who secretly had the hots for one of his underage students and also faked his own death as a lesson to his students so that they would know what it felt like when he eventually died. It was a school lesson. WOW. Asshole. And how many times have you heard him say the phrase "I didn't mean to pry into your subconscious, but I couldn't help overhearing your psychic "voice" being loud..." Sure, Charlie. You just like eavesdroppin' in peoples heads. What a fuckin' dickweed. I suspect that whole "oh part of it was magneto's psyche making me do those awful things" was an afterthought to deflect blame. It was really all just Chuck letting his id off the chain.