the vynsane asylum

I had an idea for a Coffee Table style book that collects all of Marvel's house ads over the decades. Remember the ads for Events like Acts of Vengeance? Or Fall of the Mutants or Inferno? Stuff like that, with a short paragraph about the event or comic series. More recently, Marvel often uses many teaser images for their more recent events all over the Internet, so this would collect all of those as well. Basically, everything from the 60s up thru today.

That. Would. Be. EPIC.

Kitty Pryde hooks up with Frank Castle and ends up pregnant with his baby. In the future, their child is the leader of the Avengers.

Only because it'd be the most original idea Marvel has had in 38 years.

I'm almost ashamed to say it, but that idea is awesome.

I'd want that to happen just to see the internet explode when they announced it.

Sadly it never will because I called "Dibs" on Kitty Pryde 25+ years ago. She's having MY baby and no one else's.

I gave up on Jubilee. A de-powered vampire with huge tits is not the clever, subtle parody the character once was.

BTW, what are your thoughts on Kitty being a stripper (in X-Treme X-Men, IIRC)? Even now, everyone talks about how innocent she is... she was a stripper, dude.

I think she was a bartender in the strip club, not an actual stripper. But that was all Claremont's fuckery in any case. He "retconned" a bunch of shit and made Kitty 16 or 17 years old again. Even though she'd been in a serious adult relationship with Pete Wisdom over in Excalibur. So Claremont retroactively made Wisdom a dirty pedo. Plus, her costume in XTreme didn't help any because it was borderline S&M. But, I think she was going to College in Chicago and she was working in the strip club as part of psychology or sociology class or thesis she was writing. Claremont is a toolbag.

Claremont wasn't always a toolbag.

Neither was Lucas.

Both used to be quite good. Up until... about the time they collaborated on that massive pile of shit, Shadow Moon (published 1995).

You thinking what I'm thinking?

This should be prattled about inanely.

I became disenfranchised with Claremont long before everybody else did. Right around the time Kitty got kidnapped by the Morlocks and was forced to marry Caliban. And also he originally wanted Mr. Sinister to be a five year old kid. And Maddy Pryor wasn't a Jean clone. She was just a woman that looked exactly like Jean that Scott just happened to meet and fall in love with.
People think he got shitty on his second and third X-Men runs. When really he got shitty about halfway through the first one.

There should be a book about loser characters. Not loser characters made EXTREME!!!!1! like DC has a boner for, or characters who aren't really that bad (isn't there a book with Darkhawk on it, or wasn't there prior to the big crossovers?).

I mean characters who are universally accepted to be shit. And they're written like shit. Make them ridiculous; there have to be some "Mystery Men" types running around the MU.

NFL Superpro (maybe drop "NFL") could be a fat, bald loser who's had to give up superheroing because he couldn't afford to pay for... whatever makes his suit work.

Motormouth got sick of dimension-hopping, and now lives in a trailer park (I'm assuming they have those in England, right?) with her 30 cats.

HERBIE was thrown into the garbage and lives as sort of a "homeless robot," scavenging batteries out of the trash.

Razorback has a reality show about pig farming.

Somehow, one of Sleepwalker's many one-shot villains shows up and they have to team up. Under the leadership of Albert, I'm thinking.

Last time we saw Motormouth, she was part of MI-13 in that Capt. Britain series from 2008. She was like one of their reserve members along with Killpower, Digitek, and a couple other MarvelUK characters. It was a fun little Easter egg for long time readers.

I think Razorback showed up in She-Hulks last book, but I'd have to doublecheck.

You know, they wouldn't necessarily have to be sad sacks just because they quit Heroing. Superpro could have a sports radio talk show in Pittsburgh of something.

Some ex-villain actually stole enough that he was able to open up that floral shop like he planned. I'd love for Daredevil or somebody to come across some guy that used to be a villain and he's all "yeah. That one successful heist, I invested wisely, and now I just travel with my wife. Life's good."

It should be a mix of sad and overeager.

I'm thinking Superpro had to stop because the NFL threatened to sue.

How's this for another twist: Albert has been repaired so he no longer has crap sticking out of him. The team thinks Wolverine is recruiting them; he says they're the only heroes available. They find out later that Elsie Dee is behind it; she discovered some huge threat, but no one would take her seriously--not even seriously enough to give her access to Wolverine, who might listen. Maybe she's repaired, too. Or maybe she didn't bother and is still a little girl's head.

Speaking of Superpro, I looked him up, and lost even more respect for Nicieza. Not because he wrote it; he wrote 99% of Marvel titles in the early 90s. But, no. Because he wrote what even he admits was a shitty story to get football tickets.

Have some professional integrity, ass. You know who else wrote a licensed book that no one thought would last, just for a paycheck? Larry Hama. Grant Morrison. Simon Furman. Almost everyone agrees that Joe #21, if not a few others, was a fucking landmark issue.

And you got paired with "I also work lazy for a paycheck" Delbo, who was lazier even than on Transformers, so it even looks bad. Yup. Can't all be your pet New Warriors with Mark Bagley, can they?

Morrison wrote a licensed book? Am I having a brain fart?

He started out on Zoids, which apparently people gave a shit about in the UK.

Heh. Zoids. I had a couple of the really old versions, but I lost about 80% of the parts. I do remember using all those little rubber caps as grenades and bombs for my Joes.