the vynsane asylum

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API - Schnectady, New York

Newsbot was caught molesting a power transformer early Friday morning.

"It's Good Friday.  I thought this was allowed once a year where you had to give up something for Lent or something.  Well, I gave up NOT touching these smokin' hot power cables and getting my juice on!" was his excuse.

Authorities immediately transferred him to the Bellevue Cukoo Farm and began dismantling him for spare parts.

"Guys a fuckin' jackass," said Sergeant Fredo Balducci of the Schnectady Police Dept.  "Fuck him."

An eyewitness wearing a green tophat and tails and smoking a corncob pipe, who refused to be named said "Sure'n he can go fuck himself, the dirty omadon!  I've had it up t'here wi' his shenanigans and it's good riddance to bad rubbish.  Now, if'n' ye'll excuse me, I'm down to the pub for a pint o' Guiness."

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Breaking news!

Eternal Padawan is a goddamned lying cunt.

The former terrorism advisor Richard Clarke claims to have proof that EP blows sailors for spare change that he spends on tampons to stem the flow of diseased blood from his anus.

We'll continue to follow this story as it develops.

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COURAGE.