Seriously important question about Eragon

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 11:05 am

Okay, I've heard the movie sucks.

Mrs Anarky is reading the book, and she says it's just okay. Not bad considering the kid was 10 or whatever when he wrote it, but nothing to write home about.

But she has the movie tie-in novel, and I noticed Joss Stone among the acting credits.

And yet, the soundtrack is score with one pop song... by Avril Lavigne.

So, uh, what would possess anyone to make a film and use a girl who can sing like Janis in the movie, but have the song recorded by a anorexic beanpole who has to have her voice digitally enhanced to sound as good as the real members of Milli Vanilli?

(And, since this is vynsane.com)

Not to mention that if I were put in a bed between a naked Joss Stone and a naked Avril Lavigne, I'd fuck Joss for 14 hours straight before looking at Avril. Then I'd say, "Get me a beer, you fugly bitch," and roll over and do Joss some more.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 12:24 am

I have no urge to see or read this junk. My wife read the first two books of the series and said it was good. As she was reading she was telling me it had some rip offs from LOTR(come on, Aragon) and Star Wars(2 twins seperated at birth?). Come up with original material dude. Even if you were in a womb writing this book.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 1:16 am

My sisters were raving about how good this book was, so I bought a copy in the grocery store to pass time at the beach, and it was so atrociously written, i think i gave up around page twenty. It was as if the kid had never formed compound sentences with adjectives in them. he could do one or the other but none together. i was cringing with each passing page, trying to figure out why he didn't word it this way or that. I don't care how old that little shit was when he wrote it, shit is still shit.

I am, however, taking my kids to see this on Christmas because he's three years old and I feel it will be intellectually on par for him. And because I'll barf if I have to go see Charlotte's Web.

Senor JabbaJohnL · Post by **Senor JabbaJohnL** » Fri Jan 19, 2007 2:56 pm

I saw this movie; it was pretty stupid. I think they only cast Joss Stone as the fortune teller since she has a nose ring.

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:02 pm

You know how I know I'm gay? I'm interested in reading the book just because of the font they used for the title. It rocks. :loser:

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:49 pm

yeah, you're a shmuck alright.

I can't decide who's the bigger shmuck for being involved with this tripe. John Malkovich or Jeremy Irons. I'm leaning towards Malkovich simply because Irons has a history of slumming in these kinds of movies for a paycheck ( see Dungeons & Dragons).

And think about this. Every time a shitty movie like this gets made, it means a cool Super-Hero movie didn't get made. Namor. Hawkeye. Dr. Strange. Black Panther. The list goes on and on. Fuck you, kid who wrote Eragon. And fuck you, Studio Guy that greenlit it.

Diabolical · Post by **Diabolical** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:26 am

Eternal Padawan wrote:And think about this. Every time a shitty movie like this gets made, it means a cool Super-Hero movie didn't get made. Namor. Hawkeye. Dr. Strange. Black Panther. The list goes on and on. Fuck you, kid who wrote Eragon. And fuck you, Studio Guy that greenlit it.

Sooo...where is the list of cool superhero movies? You just listed a bunch of Sci-fi channel tv movie characters.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:24 pm

Well, I purposefully left off any DC characters, because Warner Bros has a lock on them, and Warner Bros didn't make Eragon, so we didn't really lose anything there. And all the other big Marvel movies, like Captain America, Iron Man, etc are in some stage of production.

My point being, I would rather see a b-list Marvel movie made, than something like this atrocity. Fuck, you could even cast Joss Stone in the Marvel movie if you wanted. I'm down with that. I'll go one better. You can take the ENTIRE cast of Eragon and put them in a live action Darkhawk or Sleepwalker film and it would be better.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:54 pm

I'd much prefer Joss Stone to sing on the soundtrack. The girl has soul like no other. She, Joan Osborne, and Dusty Springfield are in a special triumvirate of Awesome White Girl Soul Singers.

Double_G · Post by **Double_G** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:24 pm

Eternal Padawan wrote: Fuck you, kid who wrote Eragon.

That dumb fucking kid just ripped off Star Wars and added dragons. I want to know which assclowns gave him a book deal?

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:40 pm

His dad.

Seriously. His dad's company self-published the first book.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:14 pm

anarky wrote:His dad.

Seriously. His dad's company self-published the first book.

And apparently they did it without hiring an editor.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:36 pm

So I hear.

Mrs Anarky finished the first one, and decided not to bother with the second.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:27 pm

She's stronger and braver than I was.