"The World's Most Dangerous Man..."

[Eternal Padawan]

Ha. Back In high school, between clesses (and even during a few)my friends and I would doodle comic book stories with our own creations and pass them back and forth. We sort of had a little Universe of characters. I found a bunch of mine and was rereading them and I was suprised at how in depth and byzantine the story became.

It's the story of one <b>GOMER SHWARZ L.A.P.D.</b>, a tough talking, trenchcoat wearing, big gun toting cop who had a bigger rogues gallery than Bats and Spidey combined. As I read through the "issues" ( a sheet of notebook paper with a full page "cover" on one side and a 20 panel story on the other) I'll clue you in to what was going on. The art was lousy, but the plot was...wow. I must've been a big continuity cheese.

This is a hoot.

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 1: Gomer faces off against a rabid moose, and eventually kills it with a tank he had hidden in his trenchcoat.

Issue 2: Gomer faces off against midget ninjas ( who yell things like Mitsubishi! and Wonton!) on a merry-go-round.

Issue 3: Gomer faces the Super-Ninja! Mysterious leader of the midget ninjas ( although he is full sized).

Issue 4: Crossover with another super hero. Big Ca$h. Debater by Day. Crimefighter by Night. Together they face, Big Ca$h's nemesis, the Philipino drug lord Roberto "Joe" Cool. <font color="red"><i>Most of these characters were inspired by people we knew in high school.</i></font id="red"> A velvet Elvis painting shows up ( looking nothing like Elvis)

Issue 5: Returning from the Phillipines, Gomer meets his new Chief of Police ( with an Elvis painting on the wall). We find out the old chief was eaten by rhinos and (sniff) Gomer's parents went the same way. Faces the evil Murren Man <font color="red"><i>A fat dimwitted schoolteacher of mine</font id="red"></i> and his army of pachyderms.

Issue 6: The origin of Gomer. His life as an orphan, to joining the force. Murren Man is the man responsible for killing Gomer's parents.

Issue 7: The conclusion to the Murren Man saga. First mention that Gomer is an albino negro(Mulatto actually). Murren says he was hired by someone at the Toler Conglomerate ( a shady mega corporation) to kill Gomer's folks because his father found they were dealing arms stolen from the army. Gomer shoots Murren dead.

Issue 8: Internal Affairs part 1. Gomer hunts his parents killers deep in the Mexican jungle. A gun runner named Hector Montoya (who has another Elvis painting) reveals that the U.S. Govt is supplying him arms)

Issue 9: Internal Affairs part 2. Gomer kills Montoya. Upon returning to L.A. Gomer gets in trouble for killing Murren in cold blood. Told to toe the line, he continues his investigation into his parents death and gets FIRED.

Issue 10: Internal Affairs part 3. Gomer vs. the L.A.P.D. Gomer turns to vigilantism in his crusade. The cops try to trap him, but he outwits them and asks the chief to let him finish this.

Issue 11: Internal Affairs part 4. Gomer finds out his own father, Lt Col Shwarz was the ringleader behind the gun smuggling. A former undercover CIA operative, he wasn't there the day Gomer's mother died. Gomer confronts him at the pentagon...and kills him.

Issue 12: A wacky issue involving a used car salesman,a bully librarian and some funky asian guy. Gomer teams up with Pierre, the juggling hamster. Pierre wears a beret and speaks in a thick french accent "Wah wah monsier." Gomer also gets his job back.

Issue 13: Gomer finds out Big Ca$h was killed and the story flashes back to conclude the story begun in issue 4.

Issue 14: Gomer teams up with Big Ca$h's younger brother, Spike(also known as Little Ca$h) to track down a L.A. drug dealer named Leroy. Spike is a former hitman working for Roberto "joe" Cool who everybody thinks is dead. <font color="red"><i>A running gag, so every time he's introduced, they go "The dead hitman?"</i></font id="red"> Leroy escapes at the end.

Issue 15: Gomer investigates a break in at Acme Computer Labs. He finds a note (I kid you not verbatim from the page): <i> Boris. Find the secret computer disk and return to base. KGB chief.</i> <i><font color="red"> Can I write or what?</font id="red"></i> Gomer flies to Moscow <i><font color="red">Apparently to march into KGB Headquarters and demend answers</i></font id="red"> but gets stopped at the airport by KGB agants. During a shootout, Gomer is shot in the back.

Issue 16: Gomer wakes in a hospital bed. A KGB agent takes him to an interrogation room where they kick his ass <i><font color="red">despite the gunshot wound?</i></font id="red">. The lights go out, shots are fired, and when they come on, Boris has double crossed his KGB masters and they solicit Gomer's help to track him down.

Issue 17: Gomer and two KGB agents, Yuri and Ivan track Boris to Paris, France. Yuri and Ivan are killed and Gomer knocks over the FRIGGN' EIFFEL TOWER. But the verrrrry tip of it bonks Boris on the head as he makes his escape. Boris is caught, The KGB returns Gomer's passport and all is forgiven. But the disc is still missing....

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 18: The KGB colonel hands the missing disc case over to Interpol <i><font color="red">What what what?? they friggin' stole it in the first place! Continuity dammit! CONTINUITY!!!</i></font id="red"> and Gomer gets into a shootout with their man, Dick Dixon. Dixon mistakes Gomer for the Mysterious Mister X, head of the criminal organization S.M.U.R.F.S. Secret Military Underground Radical Facist Supremists. Dixon surmises X is the one that has the disk.

Issue 19: Gomer and Dick track down SMURFS who know who and where X is. They learn that the disk contains schematics for a time machine. They are ambushed and trapped by SMURF agants...

Issue 20: Gomer and Dixon are taken by SMURF agants to meet Mister X. He reveals that it was he who saved Gomer in the KGB interrogation room and then shows them the fully operational time machine he has constructed. Ranting about taking over the world, X jumps into the time rift. Gomer jumps in after.....

Issue 21: Timestream part 1. Gomer lands in Aurthurian England. He is taken to the king. Some peon finds Gomer's gun and shoots himself in the face. Gomer is accused of sorcery and ordered beheaded...

Issue 22: Timestream part 2. Gomer breaks out of middle ages jail and runs into a knight who turns out to be X. X informs him he miscalculated the time jump and they need to work together to get home...

Issue 23: Timestream part 3. Gomer invades Camelot and gets into a mano a mano with Aurthur himself. He almost kills the king, but X stops them and they jump back into the timestream....

Issue 24: Timestream part 4. AWESOME! Gomer and pirates! Apparently the time thingie needs 48 hours to recharge between jumps, so Gomer hangs with pirates and saves damsels in the meantime. yo ho ho...

Issue 25: Timestream part 5. Gomer's 25th issue <i><font color="red">hey it was a big deal to me at the time...</i></font id="red"> finds him in America on the eve of the revolution. <i><font color="red">I guess the time machine also jumps around geographically...</i></font id="red"> Gomer and X find themselves in a secret tavern meeting that gets rousted by Redcoats. Gomer puts up a fight and gets shot in the arm.

Issue 26: Timestream part 6. Not waiting for a public execution, they shoot Gomer in the head ( actually he dodges and the bullet just wings him, but silly English heathens can't tell...) Then they throw his body off a cliff into the ocean. This pisses Gomer off so much, he changes his look. <i><font color="red">Before:Think Bart Simpson buzzcut with shades. After: A sort of Whilce Portacio Punisher hairdo with black hair hangin in his face and different shades.</i></font id="red"> Gomer rescues the other "traitors" and X too.

Issue 27: Timestream part 7. Gomer kills a bunch of dirty Redcoats. Then he gets caught in and explosion and when he wakes up, he has amnesia. The dirty Redcoats have him convinced his name is Wellington Drew and he's the best soldier in the British army and he has to back to the colonies to squash the uprising....

issue 28: Timestream part 8<i><font color="red">it keeps going and going....I think I was inspired by the Excalibur Cross-stream story arc</i></font id="red"> Focuses on Mister X who is recovering after his escape from British forces. he is confronted by Gomer/Wellington and confuses him by claiming to be the REAL Wellington. They go and see the King to settle it and the King slips and says Wellington is a fiction. So Gomer kills King George....

Issue 29. Timestream part 9. Gomer gets his memory back and he and X get back to present day, but something is wrong...Malcolm Richards (Mister X)is president! According to a paper <i><font color="red">again verbatim:</i></font id="red"> World President Malcolm Richards himslef chased superspy Gomer Shwarz back in time to apprehend him... A quick trip to the library reveals that Gomer shooting King George led to American Supremacy around the world and Mister X in charge. Gomer inadvertantly let X take over the world just as he had planned!!!!

Issue 30: Timestream part 10. Gomer on the run in a dystopian alternate reality. He has to break back into the presidential compound and kidnap the President and take him back into the timestream....

Issue 31. Timestream part 11. Gomer and President X go wayyyy back in time and fight dinosaurs!!!

Issue 32. Timestream part 12. Gomer and X land in Feudal Japan <i><font color="red">We know this because they land on the great wall of China and Gomer says "We are in Ancient Japan" I'm an ass.</i></font id="red"> Gomer saves an old man from midget ninjas. Then he turns and faces..the Super Ninja (the same one from issue 3) who hands Gomer his ass and gives him a scar across his eye as a "reminder..." that he was defeated by Sho Shin <i><font color="red">very japanese name, non?</i></font id="red">the Master Ninja. Gomer asks the old man to teach him how to kick ninja ass....

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 33: Timestream part 13. <i><font color="red">It's like the clone spidey saga at this point, it refuses to end...</i></font id="red"> Gomer trains long and hard to become a ninja. His last task, according to his sensei, is to not battle Sho Shin. Then his sensei is killed by an arrow and X is stabbed. As his sensei lays dying in his arms, a tearful Gomer tells him to get stuffed and prepares to whup Sho Shin's heiney.

Issue 34. TS part 14. X tells Gomer they've only got power for 3 or 4 more timejumps, then they're screwed. Gomer finds Sho Shin and his ninja clan and tears them a new one. He gives Sho Shin a cut across the eye to match his own.

Issue 35. TS part 15. Gomer comes out of the timestream and almost gets an arrow in the face. He trades witty quips with Robin Hood, until Rob finds out he's the law, then they cold cock Gomer and X. MEANWHILE: back in regular time, Roberto "Joe" Cool forms an alliance with a shadowy figure who wants Gomer dead. Cool agrees if the mystery man will kill Spike, the dead hitman. The mystery man is revealed to be Sho Shin! <i><font color="red">All will be explained</i></font id="red">

Issue 36. TS part 16. Robin Hood agrees to let Gomer go if he can best him in combat and archery. MEANWHILE, Leroy returns to L.A. with a plan to take over including putting their own man in the Mayor's office. The candidate is the evil used car salesmen from issue 12. A shadowy figure in the back of the room (Spike)finds this interesting. BACK in merry olde England, Gomer defeats Robin at archery by blowing the shit out of the target with a bazooka.

Issue 37. TS part 17. Gomer and X timejumo back to 1776, but they are six months early <i><font color="red"> Why X is helping Gomer, I have no idea...</i></font id="red"> MEANWHILE, a cop in NYPD is having trouble with a gang called the rappers. Red tape ties his hands, so he quits and becomes Jack Shwarz, P.I. <i><font color="red">Turn's out he's Gomer's half brother or something...</i></font id="red"> Then there's some wierd beastie thing in the Peruvian jungle...Gomer and X watch as their previous selves fall out of the timestream. They go up and talk them out of going into the tavern with the raid, thus preventing the events leading to King George's death.<i><font color="red">Of course, I never explain the divergent path these two older selves take, and what affects that has on everything that happened when they went back to the present the first time, since they wouldn't have to jump again and Gomer would never meet Sho Shin which becomes a MAJOR plot for the rest of the series....ah well...</i></font id="red">. X tells Gomer they have power for one more jump.

Issue 38. TS part 18. Gomer and X jump into the future. Gomer blows up a robot cop and gets arrested...

Issue 39. TS part 19. Gomer meets his descendant, GoXco Shwarz F.P.F. (Federal Police Force) who explains that there is a heavily guarded time machine under federal lock and key. GoXco helps them break in (destroying many droid cops in the process). Right before they jump, Gomer arrests X and knocks him out. A shadowy droid called Prime Unit watches Gomer timeslip back to 1990.

Issue 40. TS part 20 The Conclusion!!!!! Hooray!!!! Gomer and X show up at the exact moment they left. Dixon is confused at Gomer's new look. Gomer dispatches all the SMURF agents with his new arsenal of ninja stars and futuristic laser weapons. He goes back to L.A. and recaps his adventures starting with the Russians, then decides he's going on vacation.

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 41: Gomer goes on vacation. He stops a hijacking on the way to Hawaii. But when he gets there, the hotel over booked and the crappy motel down the street won't take credit, so Gomer has a crappy vacation and then the Chief calls and says he needs to get back to L.A. pronto...

Issue 42. Yakuza part 1. LAPD heads off a cocaine shipment on a Japanese freighter. Chief sends Gomer to Tokyo to investigate. At the Tokyo airport, Gomer bumps into a vaguely familiar face, and is suddenly attacked by ninjas (but not the midget variety)! Gomer kicks ninja ass and realizes the man he ran into was Sho Shin, who is working for the Yakuza. Roberto "Joe" Cool, waiting in the wings, begins phase two...

Issue 43: Yakuza part 2. Gomer Meets with Ryu-Gan <i><font color="red">again with the crappy Japanes names</i></font id="red"> of the Tokyo Police. Ryu-Gan leads Gomer into an ambush by the yakuza. "Joe" Cool reveals himself and the contract on Gomer's life. Gomer kicks yakuza ass, Cool escapes, and Ryu-Gan is defeated by Gomer. He then turns and faces Sho Shin...

Issue 44: Yakuza part 3. Sho Shin versus Gomer. A long, drawn out battle between the two ninja masters. Sho Shin finally gets the upper hand and reveals how he has spent his immortal life concocting revenge scheme on the man who gave him the eye scar centuries ago. Gomer's brother, his parents, even the moose in issue 1 was Sho Shin's plan. While he is blabbing Gomer unloads a shot gun out his back.

Issue 45. Gomer reflects on what Sho Shin said. The revelation of a brother is particularly confusing. When he get's back to LA, he explains to the chief about "Joe" Cool and the drug trafficing. Then Gomer goes undercover as a stand up comedian <i><font color="red">Don't ask me why</i></font id="red"> to catch a serial killer. While doing his routine, he sees Murren Man in the back of the room, sporting a neck brace. <i><font color="red">Apparently, neck braces make it better if you were DEAD.</i></font id="red"> Murren confesses, again, about the Toler Corporation <i><font color="red">hmmmm...Gomer must've forgotten about that the first time</i></font id="red"> being involved with his parent's ( mom's) death. Gomer lets him go.

Issue 46: Hostile Takeover part 1. Gomer gets chastised for following up on his parent's case, rather than apprehending the serial killer, who kills three more people. Meanwhile, Leroy and his mayoral candidate scheme put a contract on Gomer's life. Spike sneaks out the back to warn Gomer. As Gomer researches the patterns of his serial killer, he takes a break with a Bat-Worm comic book. He hears a noise behind him and as he turns, he gets cold cocked with a gun and a voice says "I'm here to kill you...."

Issue 47. Hostile Takeover part 2. Gomer wakes up to find himself face to face with Bat-Worm, the comic book hero. It's a no holds barred battle until Spike smashes through the window...

Issue 48. Hostile Takeover part 3. Apparently Gomer was halucinating that the hired assassin was a giant worm in an Batman costume..or something. Anyway, Gomer and Spike chase the assassin through the streets of LA. They find out where Leroy is hiding only to walk into an ambush...

Issue 49. Hostile Takeover part 4. Gomer and Spike shoot their way out of the ambush, but Spike catches one in the chest and Leroy's legs get shot up. Leroy confesses to his mayoral candidate scheme. With Spike in critical condition, Gomer gets in trouble for letting the serial killer run rampant. Chief gives Gomer 48 hours to decide whether to do his job or chase his parent's killers. MEANWHILE, in NYC Jack Shwarz finds a letter from five years ago, unopened, from his father. It tells him about his brother, Gomer. Meanwhile, Gomer doesn't need 48 hours. HE QUITS!

Issue 50: Gomer turns in his badge and gun (one of them anyway) and begins tracking the gun smuggling racket on his own. His snitches lead him to Vinnie at the King's Bar. Meanwhile, Jack Shwarz, steps off the plane at LAX and his investigation leads him to a man named Vinnie at King's Bar. A shootout erupts, Gomer saves Jack's life, and they discover they are brothers. A shadowy figure watches all of this on a bank of monitors...

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 51: The Hunt part 1. The Origin of Jack Shwarz P.I. Given up for adoption at birth, Jack was raised by the Brock Family. He joined the army young, and eventually became NYPD. He was fired for taking on a big corporation and became a drunk for five years, then he sobered up and became a PI. he shows a picture to Gomer of their Dad in Vietnam along with some army buddies. One of them is Sho Shin! and the other is a man with the intitials G.J. And a shadowy figure watches it all on his bank of monitors....

Issue 52: The Hunt part 2. Gomer and Jack invade the Toler building looking for clues about gun smuggling and their mother's death. Gomer starts to become unhinged in his relentless quest for his mother's killers. He kills an innocent old security guard , much to Jack's chagrine. They break into the computer records using info Gomer's father gave to him before he died. An Gutamalen operation gun smuggling operation called Teardrop lists it project coordinator as Ghengis Jones...

Issue 53: The Hunt part 3. In Gutamala, Gomer meets with Ghengis Jones, the Toler man responsible for their mon's death. After a quick shootout, Jones escapes. In response, a raging Gomer decides to blow up the dam Toler was building...

Issue 54. The Hunt part 4. Gomer teams up with Guatamalan resistance fighters to blow up the dam Toler Con was building. In the aftermath, Jack realizes the thugs Toler hired as muscle for the project are members of the gang he tracked to LA from NYC, the rappers...

Issue 55: The Hunt part 5. GOmer and Jack in NYC. Jack uses his connections in NYPD to interrogate rapper gang memebers. Completely unhinged, Gomer kills the perp and accidentally kills a cop. Jack, having enough of Gomer's behavior, pulls a gun on his brother....

Issue 56: The Hunt part 6. Gomer disarms his brother and leaves the precinct, heading for the rapper's rendez vous with their mysterious benefactor. ghengis Jones is revealed to be masterminding an all out crime war in NYC. As the cops raid the meeting, Gomer indiscrimantely kills cops and gang menbers, trying to get Ghengis Jones. His brother finds him and shows him the photo of their father during the war. The third man is (initals G.J.?) Ghengis Jones! The shadowy figure in front of the bank of monitors is revealed.

Issue 57: The Hunt part 7. Gomer and Jack drive towards Toler Con for a final confrontation with Ghengis Jones. As they appraoch a rocket slams into the car. Gomer pulls Jack from the wreckage. A gloating Ghengis Jones sicks his rapper thugs on Gomer, who easily defeats them, but it is a distraction...Ghengis shoots Gomer in the neck with a needle...

Issue 58: The Hunt part 8. The End of the Hunt. Ghengis has Gomer strapped to an electric torture rack. He explains his relationship with Sho Shin and Gomer's father. How they developed a world wide crime organization with Shwarz's govt contact, Jones' business ties, and Sho Shin's yakuza connection. He mention's Gomer's father is still alive. While he is talking, Gomer slips off the rack and attacks Ghengis with a knife, slicing his face and ruining his eye. Ghengis smashes through the window and escapes, vowing they will meet again....

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 59: Gomer has a heart to heart with his brother in the hospital. Then he returns to LA to deal with the serial killer the papers have dubbed Random Man. In Gomer's absence, the death toll is becoming astronomical. The Chief deny's his request to be put back on the case. While wandering the streets, Gomer comes across Random Man in the middle of a kill! The ferocious killer catches Gomer off guard and manages to escape. Gomer tells the chief, he'll catch this guy and then he's done fighting crime for good...

Issue 60: As, Gomer searches for Random Man, Sho Shin is visited in his meditation chamber by a time traveling droid from the future: Prime Unit! meanwhile, through brilliant deductive work, Gomer tracks down Random Man and brings him to justice. In return, the Chief offers him his badge back, but Gomer refuses, adamant about quitting. Later, while he peruses vacation packages from a travel agency, Gomer is cold cocked by yet another unseen assailant...

Issue 61: M.I.A. begins. Gomer Shwarz is missing. Prime Unit details a revenge plot to Sho Shin. He reveals that under the holographic guise of a blind Japanes Guru, it was he who revealed Gomer Shwarz's identity to Sho Shin centuries ago. He requests that Sho Shin gather together Gomer's ememies, Murren Man, Roberto Cool, Ghengis Jones, Leroy Brown, Mister X, etc...
Meanwhile, the chief finds Gomer's place in shambles. He quickly contacts Jack, and Dick Dixon to help track Gomer down. And listening outside the Chief's office is a dead hitman....

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 62: MIA Phase 1 Part 1. Police Chief Mike Hall is confronted by his superiors about the resources he is using to find Gomer. They agree to give him a special squad to track down Shwarz. Prime Unit teleports into prison and gives Leroy Brown his proposal to destroy Gomer. Leroy agrees and they teleport out again into Leroy's base...right after the Chief and his squad bust in looking for clues...

Issue 63: MIA Phase 1 Part 2. A violent gunfight erupts between the cops and Leroy's men. Chief Hall persoanlly beats the crap out of leroy, but as he's about to arrest him, Prime Unit teleports into the fray...

Issue 64: MIA Phase 1 part 3. Prime Unit confronts Chief Hall. He teleports Leroy away before the Chief can do anything and leaves him with Sho Shin and Ryu-Gan to be filled in on the details. Prime Unit then meets with a man named Zorin Grey. he proposes that Gomer will become his enemy in the future, but Zorin declines Prime Unit's offer. As Spike listens outside his door, Chief Hall tells Jack Shwarz what happened, and Jack says he'll check out NYC. MEANWHILE Prime Unit meets with a now one-eyed eyepatch wearing Ghengis Jones...

Issue65: MIA Phase 2 Part 1. Jack Shwarz looks for clues in NYC to Gomer's disappearance. He gets ambushed by Ghengis Jones and his thugs. Ghengis reveals what appears to be the tortured carcass of Gomer...

Issue 66: MIA Phase 2 Part 2. It's not Gomer's body after all, but the distraction is enough to knock Jack out. When he awakens, Ghengis reveals Prime Unit's plan to destroy Gomer. He then takes Jack's gun and kills the Imbezzler that cost Jack his job on the force. Ghengis brings in his head enforcer, a man named Stack, a man from Jack's past...

Issue 67. MIA Phase 2 part 3. Prime Unit enlists Murren Man in his scheme. Stack is revealed to be Teddy Brock, Jack's adopted brother. Stack lets Jack 'escape'. Prime Unit recruits Guy LeNoir, Col. Shwarz' former assistant. Jack calls back Chief Hall with what JOnes and Prime Unit are planning. Spike listens outside the door...

Issue 68: MIA Phase 3 part 1. Dick Dixon of Interpol decides to find out what Mister X. knows about Gomer's disappearance. Mister X doesn't have a clue. MEANWHILE, KGB boss Col. Strotskovich <i><font color="red">last seen in issues15-16</i></font id="red"> discovers Gomer is missing and wonder if Boris' recent prison escape is related. Prime Unit teleports into Mister X's lair while Dixon is still there...

Issue 69. MIA Phase 3 Part 2. Mister X rejects Prime Unit's offer and orders his men to seize the droid. Prime Unit must battle SMURFS, interpol agents, and the KGB. He is damaged and supposedly destroyed in an explosion...

Issue 70. MIA Phase 3 Part 3. A badly damaged Prime Unit teleports into Boris' hideout. While Boris repairs him, Prime Unit has a flashback about Gomer and Big Ca$h in the future and P.U.s plans for revenge. Boris reveals the kidnapped Gomer and Prime Unit says they must move him to a new location. Dixon calls the Chief and lets him know what happened with Prime Unit. Again, Spike listens outside...

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 71. MIA Phase 4 Part 1. Spike breaks into some kind of office building looking for clues in Gomer's kidnapping. He finds a fax from Roberto Cool. Night Security Guards find him and he beats them up, then he traces to origin of the fax to China...

Issue 72: MIA Phase 4 part 2. Spike is searching door to door in China, showing a picture of Gomer to people. Roberto "Joe" Cool spots him and calls Sho Shin and Prime Unit, who teleport in with PU's Android Troops(they look like Silver Surfer with no face and glowing red eyes). The androids attack Spike who forces them into destroying themselves. He then grabs Cool and demands Gomer's location...

Issue 73: MIA Phase 4 Part 3. Roberto "Joe" Cool teleports Spike to Prime Units secret base. Prime Unit reveals his (ugh) plan to ruin Gomer by having him crawl through a giant mazein an elvis costume, blinded and maimed while Milli Vanilli music plays, insults are hurked at his mother, and small rodents attack. His feet will be tickled with feathers and he will be humiliated. Prime Unit gives the exact location of his base to Spike ( as he plans on killing him anyway, but Spike teleports away<i><font color="red">How exactly Spike has access to teleportation equipment is never explained...</i></font id="red"> and calls Chief Hall with the information...

Issue 74: MIA Part ? Phase 1. Pierre the Juggling Hamster begins to search for Gomer. Instead he finds his old partner Bubba Joe Rassmussen,the redneck super hero. Bubba Joe complains about his comic book series getting cancelled. They reminisce about Big Ca$h returning to life (in a graphic novel) and then go there separate ways. Pierre knocks out the crazy Chinaman from issue 12.

Issue 75: MIA Phase 5 Part 1. Spike meets up with Chief Hall, Jack , and Dixon in China. Since this is the first time they've all met, they take the whole issue trading quips and cutdowns trying to establish a pecking order. They are interrupted by an angry looking Gomer, who is pissed and ready to end this...

Issue 76: MIA Phase 5 Part 2. MIA ends. Gomer says he escaped<i><font color="red">but he doesn't explain how...</i></font id="red"> and he's going back to kick ass. He leads a small army of KGB, Interpol, CIA and LAPD agents against Prime Unit's army of android warriors. There are many casualties, including Dixon. Gomer is hit in a direct explosion and killed instantly. The others, demoralized, retreat.

[Eternal Padawan]

Issue 77: Revenge Part 1 of 5. Prime Unit watches the others retreat on monitors after Gomer's apperent death. He reveals to his cohorts that it was an Android simulation that died. Gomer (the real one) wakes up and Boris explains to him what's going on. Gomer breaks out of his bonds and after a vicious ass beating, he breaks Boris' neck and kills him.

Issue 78: Revenge Part 2 of 5. Worried that Boris hasn't checked in, the rest are interupted by one pissed off Gomer breaking down the door. Ghengis is wounded in the arm and catches more shrapnel in the face. The others escape, except Murren Man. Murren Man reminds Gomer that he actually didn't kill his father. Gomer answers with a shotgun load into Murren's face. "That's for my mother..."

Issue 79: Revenge Part 3 of 5. Gomer continues his rampage againt those who kidnapped him. He corners Guy LeNoir, his father's assistant and blows him away. Leroy Brown shows up with more Android Troops, but Gomer uses an android to kill the others..and Leroy.

Issue 80: Revenge Part 4 of 5. Sho Shin and Ryu Gan confront the rampaging Gomer. After another epic sword fight in the reactor room of Prime Units base, Gomer knocks out Ryu Gan and impales Sho Shin on the reactor, sending it into overload.

Issue 81: Revenge Part 5 of 5. As the time counts down to the core going boom, Gomer hunts down Prime Unit. Roberto "Joe" Cool tells everyone to evacuate, but Prime Unit wants to find Gomer. As the core reaches critical, Gomer and Prime Unit face each other. But then the whole place EXPLODES.

Issue 82: Gomer's funeral service. Chief Hall, Jack Shwarz, Spike and Dick Dixon all reconcile the loss of their friend and go their separate ways, but not until they promise to stay in touch.

Issue 83: Inferno. At ground zero in China two bodies lay on the ground. Gomer's soul takes a journey to another plane where he meets a so-called angel who promises to reveal his trus origins once and for all...

[jjreason]

I just popped in here to see what the fuck was going on, and holy shit. That's a whole lot of typing, and no I haven't read it all yet. Up to about issue 17 or something. You guys needed a better dealer. I'll tell you what IS fucked up though, I went to police college with an Albino Negro. No kidding, blonde as the day is long with Norther African heritage (Berber). Hilarious guy, English was like his 4th language. Most dangerous man indeed - if he'd tried to fuck you, you would have felt it. Let's leave it at that.

[kidhuman]

And how do you know if would hurt? Were you doing things to pass class JJ? That was not a good comment to make here...[crazed][crazed][crazed]mrsparkle mrsparkle[arrr][ninja]

[jjreason]

Hey! I've had some huge shits in my day, and they've stretched the old O ring enough to make me fairly certain I'd have felt it - not to mention that shit goes the "right" way through the fudge tunnel. Charles had one big dink.