I LAST SAW IT ON THURSDAY, WHICH WOULD'VE BEEN THE 15TH!!
PLEASE RETURN IT TO ME IF YOU FIND IT!!
THIS I COMMAND!!
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY WALLET!!
Moderators: Zero, John Madden, Bob Ross, General Zod, Richard Simmons, Batman
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY WALLET!!
I MUST HAVE DROPPED IT SOMEWHERE!!
I LAST SAW IT ON THURSDAY, WHICH WOULD'VE BEEN THE 15TH!!
PLEASE RETURN IT TO ME IF YOU FIND IT!!
THIS I COMMAND!!
I LAST SAW IT ON THURSDAY, WHICH WOULD'VE BEEN THE 15TH!!
PLEASE RETURN IT TO ME IF YOU FIND IT!!
THIS I COMMAND!!
Road construction!! Woo!!!
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Batman
- moderator terror squad reserve member
- Posts: 263
- Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2006 12:20 pm
- Location: Gotham City
Nice work, vyn.
Perpantor is... Louie the Lilac?
Our greatest archfoe. But how? Robin and I last saw you in Stonegate Prison after your little... scheme involving the flower children, facing a 20-year prisonterm.
Perpantor is... Louie the Lilac?
Our greatest archfoe. But how? Robin and I last saw you in Stonegate Prison after your little... scheme involving the flower children, facing a 20-year prisonterm.
Last edited by Batman on Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Oh, you got me. You got me good, bitch.
You seem to forget that I was given a 20-year sentence, but that means only a year with good behavior. I was the best behaved guy in the joint, but the other inmates apparently assumed that my obsession with purple meant I swung both ways. I tell you, my asshole was forcibly entered more times in that one year than a Middle Eastern nation during a Republican administration. It was no picnic. Though once Killer Croc and Solomon Grundy dragged me outside by my ankles, made me strip naked and get on my knees on a picnic blanket, and, well, that's probably far more information than you needed to know.
I was out in a year, and determined not to try to rob the Gotham National Bank again. The prospect of mere money wasn't worth the cornholing I'd endured, and would have to take if arrested again. No, I had to do something grandiose, something that would utterly destroy the Dynamic Duo and crush the hearts of Gothamites and the world!
With the help of my no-account half-brother, I finally concocted the most nefarious (but indistinct) plan for world destruction ever concocted by a scrawny guy in a lavender suit. But something was amiss! It seemed that DC Comics had no faith in my nefariousness, and they'd allowed my copyright to expire! What's more, some jerkoff named Denny O'Neil had come along, and he was telling "serious" stories now. There simply wasn't room for Louie the Lilac crushing the city under a giant grape and drowning the Caped Crusader in indigo ink.
I wandered the town, destitute, sometimes selling my body for crack, sometimes discussing what to do with others in my situation, like Bookworm and King Tut. I was at the end of my rope.
Finally, I was prepared to leap off the Gotham State Building and end my suffering. But, as luck would have it, Harry, the mobster brother of that fairy Chandell, happened to be visiting the Gotham State Building that day. We struck up a conversation, and he told me about this new organization he'd joined. Sure, it was owned by Hasbro, but we weren't under copyright anymore.
He told me how he'd started out as a little peon foot soldier, who just had to run around with his face covered, and shout the name of the organization while getting his ass kicked by soldiers and ninjas with a better battle cry. However, their health plan was great, and the good guys always made sure they parachuted to safety and never actually shot anyone.
And then, after he'd been working there about two years, he was playing dress-up in his room, and had the most outlandish costume imaginable on. And the boss walked in. He was sure he was screwed--after all, the mob hadn't liked it when they found out he ate more cock than Jenna Jameson--so he got on his knees and was ready to suck his boss's dick. Turns out, though, his boss wasn't gay. Far from it. But, apparently, wearing stupid costumes and having cockamamie ideas was the prerequisite for moving up in the company. So he spit out the stupidest idea he could come up with, something about cloning a super-soldier to take his boss's place using the DNA of the world's greatest military leaders, and maybe a traitorous ninja or two.
Cobra Commander thought this was the single dumbest idea he'd ever heard! So he promoted ol' Harry Mindbender on the spot. It just so happened that I ran into Harry the next day, and he needed an assistant. So, I took the job, on the condition that I could continue wearing purple even when the other Vipers wore blue. This wasn't a problem. They even created a new sub-class of Viper just for me!
Secretly, though, my hatred for Batman still seethed far more than any love for Cobra. So I studied under Harry, accepting his disgusting advances in return for the knowledge of genetic engineering. Thankfully, Harry was a really stupid shit, and he got himself killed by Cobra Commander shortly afterwards.
I didn't have a job anymore, but I had knowledge. So I got a job working for Youngblood, figuring that no one read that book and I'd be totally under the radar. I distilled the essence of purple from the most purple items ever known to man, and, for good measure, I tossed in some of Andre the Giant so I'd be pretty fucking big. Then I drank.
I was finally ready to defeat Batman! But how? Somehow, the giant grape didn't seem like such an original idea anymore. I amassed my Purple Armada from disgruntled former McDonald's mascots, Mace Windu's castoffs, and kids sitting on purple sofas.
And then, I cashed in my IRA and bought Action Online.
My henchmen (the non-purple ones, who would not be suspected, and who were disposable due to their lack of purpletude) attempted to take over this puny website. For I knew that, if I were to eliminate the stupid moderators, their backups--including Batman--would come out into the open.
And then... and then... I COULD TURN THE FUCKING SITE PURPLE AND TOTALLY DISCREDIT BATMAN!!!
And I would've gotten away with it, too, if not for that meddling webmaster!
You seem to forget that I was given a 20-year sentence, but that means only a year with good behavior. I was the best behaved guy in the joint, but the other inmates apparently assumed that my obsession with purple meant I swung both ways. I tell you, my asshole was forcibly entered more times in that one year than a Middle Eastern nation during a Republican administration. It was no picnic. Though once Killer Croc and Solomon Grundy dragged me outside by my ankles, made me strip naked and get on my knees on a picnic blanket, and, well, that's probably far more information than you needed to know.
I was out in a year, and determined not to try to rob the Gotham National Bank again. The prospect of mere money wasn't worth the cornholing I'd endured, and would have to take if arrested again. No, I had to do something grandiose, something that would utterly destroy the Dynamic Duo and crush the hearts of Gothamites and the world!
With the help of my no-account half-brother, I finally concocted the most nefarious (but indistinct) plan for world destruction ever concocted by a scrawny guy in a lavender suit. But something was amiss! It seemed that DC Comics had no faith in my nefariousness, and they'd allowed my copyright to expire! What's more, some jerkoff named Denny O'Neil had come along, and he was telling "serious" stories now. There simply wasn't room for Louie the Lilac crushing the city under a giant grape and drowning the Caped Crusader in indigo ink.
I wandered the town, destitute, sometimes selling my body for crack, sometimes discussing what to do with others in my situation, like Bookworm and King Tut. I was at the end of my rope.
Finally, I was prepared to leap off the Gotham State Building and end my suffering. But, as luck would have it, Harry, the mobster brother of that fairy Chandell, happened to be visiting the Gotham State Building that day. We struck up a conversation, and he told me about this new organization he'd joined. Sure, it was owned by Hasbro, but we weren't under copyright anymore.
He told me how he'd started out as a little peon foot soldier, who just had to run around with his face covered, and shout the name of the organization while getting his ass kicked by soldiers and ninjas with a better battle cry. However, their health plan was great, and the good guys always made sure they parachuted to safety and never actually shot anyone.
And then, after he'd been working there about two years, he was playing dress-up in his room, and had the most outlandish costume imaginable on. And the boss walked in. He was sure he was screwed--after all, the mob hadn't liked it when they found out he ate more cock than Jenna Jameson--so he got on his knees and was ready to suck his boss's dick. Turns out, though, his boss wasn't gay. Far from it. But, apparently, wearing stupid costumes and having cockamamie ideas was the prerequisite for moving up in the company. So he spit out the stupidest idea he could come up with, something about cloning a super-soldier to take his boss's place using the DNA of the world's greatest military leaders, and maybe a traitorous ninja or two.
Cobra Commander thought this was the single dumbest idea he'd ever heard! So he promoted ol' Harry Mindbender on the spot. It just so happened that I ran into Harry the next day, and he needed an assistant. So, I took the job, on the condition that I could continue wearing purple even when the other Vipers wore blue. This wasn't a problem. They even created a new sub-class of Viper just for me!
Secretly, though, my hatred for Batman still seethed far more than any love for Cobra. So I studied under Harry, accepting his disgusting advances in return for the knowledge of genetic engineering. Thankfully, Harry was a really stupid shit, and he got himself killed by Cobra Commander shortly afterwards.
I didn't have a job anymore, but I had knowledge. So I got a job working for Youngblood, figuring that no one read that book and I'd be totally under the radar. I distilled the essence of purple from the most purple items ever known to man, and, for good measure, I tossed in some of Andre the Giant so I'd be pretty fucking big. Then I drank.
I was finally ready to defeat Batman! But how? Somehow, the giant grape didn't seem like such an original idea anymore. I amassed my Purple Armada from disgruntled former McDonald's mascots, Mace Windu's castoffs, and kids sitting on purple sofas.
And then, I cashed in my IRA and bought Action Online.
My henchmen (the non-purple ones, who would not be suspected, and who were disposable due to their lack of purpletude) attempted to take over this puny website. For I knew that, if I were to eliminate the stupid moderators, their backups--including Batman--would come out into the open.
And then... and then... I COULD TURN THE FUCKING SITE PURPLE AND TOTALLY DISCREDIT BATMAN!!!
And I would've gotten away with it, too, if not for that meddling webmaster!
Road construction!! Woo!!!
-
Batman
- moderator terror squad reserve member
- Posts: 263
- Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2006 12:20 pm
- Location: Gotham City
Well, Louie the Lilac, now that I know the source of this purple... invasion, I can switch Bat-Polarities and more effectively combat the intrusion of the color... purple.
And now, though you have technically committed no crime, but because I do not like to be made to look the fool, it is time to deal with you in short order.
K-POW!
SOCK!
WHAM!
And now, though you have technically committed no crime, but because I do not like to be made to look the fool, it is time to deal with you in short order.
K-POW!
SOCK!
WHAM!
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Eternal Padawan
- D.O.A.
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- Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2002 7:16 am
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