Dear Voldemort...

[Rollo Tomassi]

...I cannot take you seriously.

Because you don't have a nose. And you are in the same profession as Doug Hennings.

[Diabolical]

I've only read the first Harry Potter book and seen most of one of the flicks, but doesn't this douche try to kill Harry Potter with magic every time?
Why doesn't he just shoot him or run him over with a car or something?

[anarky]

Here's the rundown, with spoilers, since anyone who doesn't want to be spoiled read the books years ago:

1) Voldemort is an extremely weak entity without a body following his attempted murder of baby Harry years ago, and basically possessed a Hogwarts professor.
2) A version of Voldemort from the past possesses Ginny Weasley (Ron's sister and Harry's future wife) via his diary. We don't know it at this point, but the diary is one of the horcruxes that Voldemort has used to divide and store his soul.
3) Voldemort doesn't appear. We find out that Sirius Black, long blamed for selling out Harry's parents, is innocent, and Ron's rat is revealed to be the real snitch, Wormtail, who's been hiding in animal form for over a decade. (Not as silly as it sounds.)
4) Voldemort's agents fix a traditional tournament so that Harry will be forced to participate, against the rules, and win, so that Wormtail can use Harry's blood in a ritual to bring back Voldemort. When he returns, he challenges Harry to a duel, but is prevented by killing him when their wands cause a sort of chain reaction that protects Harry (as they both use feathers from the same phoenix as their cores). (Special bonus for Twilight haters: Edward Cullen dies.)
5) Voldemort fights Harry in the Ministry of Magic office when Harry pursues Bellatrix LeStrange following her murder of Sirius Black, and, being blinded by emotion, probably would've lost had Dumbledore not showed up and starred in a cooler "old wizard battle" than Yoda ever did.
6) Severus Snape kills Dumbledore on Dumbledore's orders, to prove (falsely) to Voldemort that he is still loyal to him. Voldemort doesn't directly involve himself in the action.
7) Following a shit-ton of bloodshed (including Snape's particularly tragic end), Voldemort kills Harry in a duel. No, really.
(Okay, I should mention that it's revealed that Harry was, unknown to everyone but Dumbledore--including Harry and Voldemort, the final horcrux, and blasting Harry with a death curse actually doomed himself and merely sent Harry to limbo briefly when he lost consciousness as a result.)